Why I want to be a seahorse.

So basically I've decided being a girl SUCKS. So, I've decided I'd quite like to be a seahorse.
(Hear me out here)

1. Seahorses are just awesome in general.
2. They don't have a care in the world. They can do whatever the hell they want, whenever they want.
3. They have the freedom of an ENTIRE OCEAN.
4. The men have to give birth. (Ok, so this is kind of my main reason why I want to be a seahorse..)

I mean, you name me one female who would not like to be a seahorse. Especially after my awesome reasonings. It just makes so much more sense.

Being a girl is awful (most of the time) because:

a) You have to constantly look nice otherwise you get people giving catty remarks behind your back OR if they're even more of a bitch they do it to your face
b) We have to carry a foreign body inside us for nine months and then pop it out (as if you haven't been in enough pain for the last nine months) ** I wanna just point out at this point that I do not know this from personal experience, because I'm not a teen mum
c) Periods: Hell on earth.
d) Boys treat girls like dirt the majority of the time. If you find a good guy, for god's sake don't let him go! He is a rarity of mankind.
e) You have to watch everything you eat because girls (and guys) will start slagging you off if you start to even gain the tiniest millimetre of fat on your body.
f) You want to constantly consume a mass of chocolatey products/fatty foods at a certain time around every month. And then you get upset cos you gained weight or you ruined your healthy diet. It sucks.
g) You seem to always have to be in control of yourself and what you say. If you let something slip, you'll never live it down.
h) YOU NEVER HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR! (Even when your wardrobe is bursting to the brim and you just went shopping last weekend and bought like three new outfits)
i) You get judged if you wear the same outfit out more than once.
j) You get judged if you're photographed wearing the same outfit out more than once.

Well, that was my opinion anyway..
So yeah. That's why I would like to be a seahorse.
x

Things I suck at.

Ok so like this was kinda inspired by a Jenna Marbles vlog I just watched (love JM she's incred.- watch her shizzle if you haven't already. Highly reccommended from moi).
Sooooooooo anyways, enough o' me old jibber-jabbering... Here is a (probably unfinished) list of things I SUCK at.
(ps. you can feel free to laugh/pity me)

1. Keeping focused (Espesh when I'm meant to be doing Uni work... yawn-o-rama.)
2. Playing badminton (I cannot hit that stupid shuttlecock for the life of me! Sad times for me...)
3. Being flexible (I was always the least flexible in my ballet school. Pretty shameful tbh)
4. Eating properly (I know, I know...this sounds incredibly weird! But I genuinely cannot eat properly with a knife and fork... I eat left handed. But luckily I am not alone as my dad andmy brother also do this. Mum does too but that doesn't count really cos she IS left handed..)
5. Staying awake (This rarely applies when I go out clubbing...though even then I'm sometimes shattered. It's kinda annoying I guess cos I'm always sleepy even when I've had like 10000 hours sleep! Ok so that's a bit extreme, but you catch my drift n'est pas?)
6. Going to the gym (Yeah this like NEVER happens... Naughty Natalie/Terrible Tilly/Shameful Sharman)
7. Press ups/sit ups/splits: I have no pain threshold. I suck.
8. Remembering things (this is a new one, cos my memory used to be amazing..lord knows what happened to me. One day I just woke up and I was stupid. Who knows- maybe the roof caved in in my sleep and squished my brain and made me dumb? I think that deffo sounds plausable fosho)
9. MATHS. (This deffo shoulda been the number one on my list. I cannot retain numbers in my head/work things out mathematically...I have a creative brain, not a logical brain. Anyway, who needs a logical brain? Logical brains are for boring peeps! And who wants to be boring?)
10. Sleeping without my Giraffey (no laughing at this one. He's my main man. 'nuff said.)

I'm sure I suck at plenty of other things too, but as of current, I can't seem to think of anything else....

P&L x